Memoir

Memoir

Introduction

            Let me preface this memoir by saying that I am beginning to write this after my graduation/goodbye party. Friends from all different areas of my college career came to say goodbye, have a few last laughs, and hug me one last time before I leave for Austin in the spring. I think that this is the perfect time to begin writing this. I am a generally reflective person, but sometimes I need to be in the mood for it. Right now, after this party, I am feeling particularly grateful for all that I have experienced here at Baylor, and feel like I have tons to write about.

            I have been wondering how I would format this memoir; fifteen to twenty pages is a lot and I did not want it to be completely disorganized. The other day, my friend recommended a NPR book to me that contains essays written by people about their beliefs. The only requirement was that they write about life in 250 words or less. This gave me the idea to write this memoir in that format. I have broken up what Dr. Schultz wants us to write into sections, each of which I will try to write about in 250 words. Obviously, some of the sections will run over their limits, and I have added a few sections of my own. I hope that whoever ends up reading this enjoys it!

A Short Biography

            To start at the beginning, I was born in Germany on February 22, 1991. My family was stationed in Germany with the U.S. Air Force. My brother, Jake, was two years old when I came along. When I was 6 weeks old, my family moved to Arizona. To answer your inevitable questions, I do not speak German and I am not a German citizen. After that, we moved about every two years until I was 12. I lived in Arizona, Ohio, Texas, Oklahoma and then back to Ohio until college. I went to 10 different schools before I graduated high school. I lived in 6 different houses.

            Such is life as an Air Force Brat. My world was constantly changing. When I was 10, the September 11th attacks happened. When I was 11, my dad went to Qatar for seven months. When I was 13, my dad went back to Qatar for 4 months. Each of those events was pivotal in my life. If you have never experienced a family member going to war, it is an incomprehensible situation. Not to say that my life has been terrible, but it is definitely a defining part of my life. Two of my best friends in college are both military brats. Being a military kid is like being from a different world. Coming to college showed me that more than I had realized before. My life growing up was different from a kid who grew up in the same house, in the same city for their entire childhood. I could probably write 15-20 pages on what it is like to grow up as an Air Force Kid, but I will leave it at this: it is an important part of my story that affects much of how my college experience has been.

           

Why I Chose the BIC

            When I applied to Baylor, I did not expect to go. I was planning on going to A&M (boo), because I had a friend that went there and loved it. I applied to Baylor because I have had several family members attend Baylor. When I came to Texas to visit A&M, I visited Baylor also. I loved it. Baylor was a Christian school, had a beautiful campus and I heard the academics were top notch. I had wanted to attend a Christian university, but did not want to deal with all the rules and dress code restrictions that I had heard some schools had. When I asked our campus tour guide if I would have to remove my piercings (I have 11), and she said no, I was sold.

            I didn’t hear about the Baylor Interdisciplinary Core until I came to orientation with my cousin, Shayla. Shayla graduated from Baylor, but did not do the BIC when she was here. When I heard about the BIC, I immediately wanted to know more. Instead of going to a normal advising session, I was sent to see Dr. Nogalski. She told me that I would love the BIC. She explained the emphasis on culture and history, and told me that the BIC would be a challenge. I knew that I didn’t want college to be easy. I wanted to be challenged, pushed, forced to think and study hard. I love culture and I love history. The BIC seemed like a perfect fit for me. I signed up right then. Dr. Nogalski asked me some of my key interests and signed me up with professors she thought that I would enjoy taking. She was right. I loved my professors first semester freshman year.

Why I Chose to Stay in the BIC

            To be completely honest, I did not want to stay in the BIC after my freshman year. I was tired of how hard the classes were and I really wanted to just have normal classes with normal kids. I felt like I was missing out on having the typical freshman classes with everyone else. I wanted to be taking Heritage and Scriptures with all of the other freshmen. I wasn’t sure why we had to take Rhetoric instead of English classes. Honestly, as I will write about later, freshman year was just really hard.

            At the end of freshman year, I went to see Dr. Nogalski to tell her I wanted to drop the BIC. She said that I needed to think about it and then come back to talk to her. I went back to my dorm, talked to my parents and then decided to ask my CL about it also. My freshman CL, Antonia Terrazas, was also a member of the BIC. When I asked her about it, she told me that I couldn’t quit. She was in her sophomore year, which is notoriously difficult in BIC, but she said that it would be worth it. I thought about it for a few days, and decided that I could drop after first semester sophomore year if I still didn’t want to be in it.

            As a senior, looking back I am thankful that I stayed in the BIC. I got my Heritage and Scriptures classes as a junior in Biblical Heritage. I took a social work class junior year in which we had to do debates in front of the class. Everyone in that class was so nervous and stressed about getting up and speaking in front of everyone. Because of speeches in rhetoric, and the discussion-oriented classes of the BIC, I was not afraid to speak in front of my peers. I was confident knowing that I could present myself articulately. Those are just a few things that made my decision to stay in the BIC worth it. More to come later...

The College Years

            In this next section, I want to give a brief summary of each year of college. I want to highlight a few key moments, maybe mention a few things I learned each year. Some of these will have to do with the BIC, but most will be general summaries.

Freshman Year

            Freshman year was a tough one for me. I came to Baylor not knowing a single person. My family was still living in Ohio at the time, and I missed them more than I could say. Not to tell a sob story (pun intended), but I can remember crying myself to sleep at least three nights a week every week first semester. My roommate and I did not get along. She was a sophomore, pre-med major and she spent every minute outside of class in our dorm room. This resulted in practically zero along time for me, which was extremely difficult. I am almost 50/50 extrovert and introvert, so no alone time made being far from home even harder.

            The saving graces of my living situation were the girls on my hall, my CL and the staff of North Russell. My hall directory, Lisa Murphy, is still to this day one of my favorite women I’ve met in my time at Baylor. My CL, Antonia, and the other CLs of NoRo, were the fun, supportive older sisters I never had growing up with just a brother. The girls on my hall were my TV watching buddies, the ones I laughed with and the ones who fed me tons of cookies, Oreo balls and brownies.

            The hardest part of freshman year was that I didn’t get involved at a church. I felt lost and like I was still trying to figure out exactly what I believed, but with no one to guide me. I didn’t like any of the churches I had been to and I didn’t have a car to try any on my own. It wasn’t until April of my freshman year that I found a church that I felt like I belonged. Moving into sophomore year, church becomes a big part of my journey here at Baylor.

Sophomore Year

            At the beginning of my sophomore year I made the decision to throw myself into church life group. I wanted to fit here at Baylor and life group was the first place that I felt I belonged. The friends I met were teaching me how to follow Jesus. They showed me that following Jesus was a joy and a lifestyle. I fully understood the gospel for the first time in my life. I had grown up in the church, but had never really known that I could have a relationship with Jesus. This idea, this simple fact, radically changed my life. It was an idea that changed the way that I lived after my sophomore year.

            Another defining aspect of sophomore year was finding really good friends. The friendships that I consider my best of college were all started my sophomore year. Everyone imagines in college that they will make lifelong friends. I did not know then that the friendships that I was making would be some of those lifelong friends. I met friends that I connected with on a deeper level; we had conversations about life, faith, doubts, not just boys, movies and superficiality. I think that sophomore year marked a real transition period from teenage years into young adulthood. I left behind high school years and friendships. I fully accepted the fact that I would be here in Waco for the next few years and that I wanted to make the most of them.

Junior Year

            Junior year was one of refining my beliefs even more. I found myself face to face with so many questions - questions I didn’t know the answer to, but I was going to find out. I didn’t want to blindly believe everything I was told. I wanted to make my own decisions, choose my own truths and find my own path. I saw so many around me following the crowds, and honestly, that’s just never been my style. It was a difficult journey, one that I’m obviously still on. I’m so thankful that I have friends that have been with me while I talk about controversial topics and work through what I think about that. My friends have stuck with me and loved me through everything.

            One particular experience junior year was instrumental in my journey of asking questions and learning more about myself. Over the summer after my junior year, I went to Comstock, Texas, about 30 minutes west of Del Rio, for a field school for Anthropology. Each Anthropology major is required to have 6 hours of field experience. I chose to do mine at an organization called Shumla School. Shumla, and the people who work there, study the rock art left behind by Indians on the walls of rock shelters nearly 4000 years ago. Not only did I learn a lot about these people and the art they created, but I learned so much about myself as well.

            Field school was a place where no one knew me. Fallon was the only friend that I had going into the school and I really didn’t expect to become good friends with anyone that we met there. With not knowing anyone comes the freedom of being unknown, the freedom to be anything you want to be. After a year of trying to reject the mold, this was insanely refreshing. I was able to be 100% Cameron. For one month, no one expected anything from me. I was able to let down my guard and be who I wanted to be. Also, Comstock is in the middle of nowhere and we had no cell reception, and limited Internet access. This lack of connection to the outside world plus amazing starry nights lent itself to reflection. I had a lot of time to think and talk with God about the many questions that I have.

Senior Year

            My senior year has been the best year yet! I didn’t know that I was graduating in December until April of my junior year, so I’ve had all of my senior experiences in one semester. My classes this semester have been some of my best ever at Baylor. I will reflect on Yoga specifically later, but my other classes have been great, too. I audited Dr. Hanks’ Children’s Literature class and have learned so much. He is truly an incredible professor. He believes in his students. During his goodbye party from the BIC, one girl said it beautifully. She said that Dr. Hanks “knows that there is genius in everyone, just under the surface, waiting to be found.” I loved that. It is an honor to have him as a professor. I have also been doing an internship this semester with the Texas Hunger Initiative, where I will be working after I graduate. I have learned so much and have loved every minute of it. As this semester comes to a close, I feel the sadness that comes with the end of one chapter of life, but also the excitement knowing that a new chapter is beginning.

What I gained from my BIC experience

Friends

            Several of my closest friends in college have come from the BIC. I knew coming in that finding friends would be hard, but I was hoping that classes would help. The BIC is great at facilitating friendships because you have all of your core classes with the same group of students. You get to know new people in every small group, but with the small overall size of the BIC, you get to know almost everyone in your class. First semester of freshman year, I met two of my closest friends - Hannah Rushing and Fallon Fausch. Hannah and I met in World Cultures and realized that we lived down the hall from each other in NoRo. We became fast friends, hanging out almost every weekend that we were both in town. Fallon and I met in Examined Life. We didn’t even realize that we were going to be as good of friends as we have become.

            Along with those two close friends, I have made many other friendships in the BIC. I see people around campus still that I haven't been friends with or had a class with since freshman or sophomore year, but we wave and say hello. There is a certain camaraderie that comes with being in the BIC. Some of that is from a feeling of mutual “suffering” through the tough classes, but also from the content of the courses. We connect on a deeper level through our conversations than you would in normal classes.

Faith

            I will be the first to say that BIC is not the easiest program to be a Christian in. Now, that is not saying that professors encourage you not to believe in Jesus. What I mean by that is that the BIC challenges every belief you have and if you are not strong enough or not willing to journey to the hard places you can lose your faith. I, fortunately, had the exact opposite experience. With every new religion we studied, I learned what I could about it and then examined how that fit with what I believe as a Christian or how it doesn’t. I was reminded of this process when Christina Sell spoke in our Yoga class on the last. She said we should all go through the process of learning what other people believe, deciding if we want to believe that also, and then put it into practice if we do, or toss it if we do not. I think that this is a great practice to have. I know of a few fellow BICers that came out on the bad side of studying world religions. They were either unable to connect what they were learning with what they believed, or they were unable to accept that others believe differently than themselves. I know that my upbringing as an Air Force brat keeps me strong in what I believe. My parents have always taught me not to compromise what I believe for anything. But, they have also taught me to think for myself. I think the combination of my upbringing and the environment of BIC being one where learning and questioning is encouraged helped my faith grow during college.

Education

            The purpose of the BIC is to create well-rounded individuals that are educated and prepared to be citizens in the world. I feel like that has been accomplished in me. Not to sound conceited, but I definitely feel much more well rounded that when I came into college. As for as education goes, I will never regret the education that I got in the BIC. I can remember freshmen year having conversations with my colleagues outside of class that I never thought I would ever have. One particular instance was when a few of us went to see a movie freshmen year and had a very deep conversation about it afterwards. We didn’t just leave the movie having enjoyed it, but we chose to look for deeper meaning. This is something that the BIC has taught me to do.

            Another part of my BIC education that I find so invaluable is the literature that we read. When my parents hear me list the books and stories that I have read in the BIC, they are extremely impressed. I know that I have such a wealth of knowledge about literature from all time periods and areas of the world. I loved that every culture we studied was supported with either a creation text or an important story to the culture. Even though I did not always appreciate the stories as I read them, I am better educated because of the literature I have read in the BIC.

Favorite Courses

Biblical Heritage

            My favorite purely academic BIC class (I consider Yoga a class with practice and academics) was Biblical Heritage. One of the things I was sad about by staying in the BIC was losing out on taking the freshman classes of Scriptures and Heritage. I wanted to be challenged by learning more about the Bible and learn about the history of my faith. I had the honor of being taught by Dr. Paul Carron and Dr. Josh Stigall. Dr. Carron had taught me in large group but never in small group. I so enjoyed being taught by him. He is an incredible professor. He treats his students with so much respect, facilitates great discussions and really challenges his students to think. Dr. Stigall is a New Testament scholar at Truett and really knows his stuff. He had a way of explaining the material we were reading as if it was happening in modern times. I loved when he taught.

            That class challenged so much of my beliefs. The class focuses a lot on ethics and controversial issues in society. One of my favorite aspects of the BIC is the discussions that we are able to have in the classroom. In Biblical Heritage, we discussed poverty, homosexuality, the inerrancy of scripture, gender roles and war. I learned that I could face the hard issues and ask difficult questions and still hold my faith. I learned the true definition of faith. That class was just such a university class, in my opinion. I came to college wanting to be challenged and this class definitely delivered.

World Cultures

            The idea of World Cultures class is what made me want to join the BIC when I first heard of them. I love history, religion and culture. Social Studies were always my favorite classes in high school. I am an Anthropology major. All of those things add up to World Cultures being some of my favorite classes I have taken at Baylor. Freshman year classes were particularly enjoyable for me. I loved learning about different religions and what they believed. I love that the BIC takes us on field trips to visit other religions holy places of worship. One of my favorite experiences of college was the World Cultures II field trip to the mosque in Dallas. Visiting those places of worship was never something I would have done on my own, and the BIC provided that opportunity for me.

            My second favorite World Cultures class was second semester of sophomore year, World Cultures III. This class was focused on the modern world, moving through topics such as the enlightenment and the romantic period. I had Dr. Lenore Wright for this class and she was one of my favorite professors at Baylor. This was one of those classes where we all sat in a circle of desks and had discussions that entire time. I greatly enjoyed the material we read for this class, but I think a lot of that was because of the discussions we had. I knew that I wanted to make sure I always read for class, because I didn’t want to miss out on what the class would discuss that day.

How the BIC Influenced my Chosen Course of Study

            I think that it is pretty apparent that BIC and Anthropology go hand-in-hand really well. Both are people, culture and history focused. However, my choice to be an Anthropology major was influenced by someone that I met within the BIC - Fallon Fausch. I came in to Baylor as an International Studies major, wanting to be a missionary and change the world. In Examined Life I, I met Fallon. We connected over the fact that we both wanted to be missionaries and she told me that she was an Anthropology major. I had never heard of that discipline before. When Fallon explained it, I knew that it was perfect for me. The BIC connected well with my chosen course of study, but really it was a friend that I made in the BIC that influenced my decision the most.

How this course draws together other aspects of my BIC and college experience

            Yoga has really been such a great capstone for my BIC experience and my college experience. One simple, but fun part about the class has been the people. Almost all of the girls (and Nolan :)) in the class have been in one or two of my classes before, but I’ve never really been great friends with them. This class was such a good mix of people that have been in each of my classes.

            Another part of this class that I loved is that we were challenged with another religion. I was able to use the skills that I had learned in my first few years of BIC classes to study the Yoga Philosophy. If my mind had not been so opened to the world around me in earlier BIC classes, it could have been hard to study the yoga tradition so intimately.

What I gained from Yoga course generally

            As I said when I read Christina Sell’s memoir, I am so glad that we were required to keep a practice journal while doing yoga this semester. Looking back, I can see that yoga influenced me this semester more than I realized even while doing it. Now that I haven’t done yoga for a few weeks (I know...shameful) I can see the impact that yoga had on my body. I felt better physically this semester more than I have in years. As I told you guys at the beginning of this semester, I injured my back my junior year of high school and it has hurt me ever since. Usually, all of the sitting and carrying a heavy backpack that I have to do during the semester irritates my back even more than usual. I can honestly say that my back has not irritated me barely at all this semester. I did not feel held back by my back injury this semester.

           

What is Next and How the BIC prepared me for it

            In just four days time I will be a graduate from Baylor University with a B.A. in Anthropology and a minor in Poverty Studies. When I walk across that stage, I will have the Baylor Interdisciplinary Core cord hanging around my neck and I couldn’t be more proud. In February, I will move to Austin, TX and begin a new career, new friendships and a whole new life. I will be working for the Texas Hunger Initiative as an AmeriCorps VISTA (Volunteer in service to America). As a VISTA, I will be a Food Planning Association Coordinator. Practically, this means that I will be working to organize meetings with anyone in the Austin community that is fighting hunger. We want to get everyone together in one room, fighting against hunger and food insecurity in their communities. I know that my time in the BIC has greatly prepared me for success in this next chapter of my life.

            The BIC has made me a lifelong learner. The program has equipped me with skills to continue reading, learning and studying on my own. I understand the importance of education and have developed a love for formal education within the BIC. My time in BIC has created in me a desire to constantly know more. My professors have exposed me to so many different disciplines and showed me that learning doesn’t end when you leave the classroom. I am looking forward to free time next year so I can read and learn on my own. I’m thankful for my time in the BIC because it has prepared me for that.

            As I mentioned before, the discussion format of the BIC has prepared me for speaking in classes, but also for networking that I will have to do with my future job. I will be spending most of my days making phone calls, meeting people and sending emails. I will have to coordinate and host meetings of prominent businessmen and women in the community. I will need confidence in speaking and presenting myself in a group that most people have 10 plus years of experience. I feel confident going into that. The BIC has taught me that I am a well-educated, well-spoken individual and that my voice matters. I know that I will be able to conduct myself around all types of people with sureness and maturity. I do not worry about knowing how to speak with people that are older or more experienced than me because our professors have always treated us like colleagues and equals.

Suggestions for Improvement

            As for yoga, I cannot think of much that I would change about it. I loved that we did practice every day. I am thankful that we did practice blogs. The reading blogs were good for accountability in doing the reading. Each reading assignment we had contributed to my understanding of yoga or yoga philosophy. Dr. Schultz is an incredible yoga teacher. She respects her students and makes them feel beautiful. She moves slow enough that everyone can participate, but not too slow that we get bored. I’m so happy that we got to try advanced poses even if we couldn’t get close to doing them. This class provides great overall exposure to the poses of yoga. I think that maybe if all of the poses were written on the board before class it would be easier to know what their names were. Also, if there was extra emphasis on the names in English so that we can translate our yoga practice to studios that are not specifically Iyengar Yoga. If Christina Sell could come back again next time the class is taught, that would be great. She was a fun way to close the semester. Overall, this class was the best experience that I have had in the BIC. I learned so much about my physical body and my inner self. I feel prepared to go practice yoga and to continue learning after I leave Baylor.

            As for improvements to the overall BIC program, I really only have one suggestion. I wish that during freshman year when we were studying all of the world religions that we had taken a field trip to a Christian church. I know several classmates that had never been to a church before. I gained so much from going to the places of worship of different religions that I think it would be beneficial to assign that as well. If it was assigned, it could be to go to a different type of church than you’ve ever been to. I would have loved to try an Orthodox church or a Catholic church, as I have never been to either of those. Honestly, that is my only suggestion for the BIC program. Except, keep Yoga and Philosophy around! And get more props and a yoga studio! That is all. Thanks for such a wonderful experience in college. I enjoyed it more than even 5,000 words can say. :) 

Inspirational video

Thought you guys would appreciate this. :)

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=535184355831&set=vb.173000478&type=2&theater

hopefully that will take you to a video on my facebook wall. if not, friend me and find it!

practice makes perfect...

or at least it makes yoga easier.

I was shocked by how much harder poses were on Tuesday after having not done yoga for a few weeks. :( yes, shameful, I didn't do it when we weren't having class. I showed my mom a few poses when I was home over thanksgiving, but I did not do any sort of consistent practice. Because of that, I was tighter and felt like I went back a few steps in my practice. It made me a bit disappointed. I'm trying to turn that disappointment into motivation. When I graduate in December, my new job doesn't start until February. I will just be at home in San Antonio until then. I want to keep up practice while I am at home. I have plenty of space, a mat, a block and pillows (to sub for a bolster, if needed). I don't want this to be the end of my yoga practice. I love the effect it has had on my body and I don't want to give that up.

Yoga from the Inside Out

This memoir reflection is bound to be a bit discombobulated. I wrote it whilst reading the book, stopping to jot down my thoughts whenever something struck me as meaningful or interesting, or whenever I saw yoga philosophy enter the pages. The process of writing this reflection was different than writing for Waking. Waking was more about the philosophy and practice of yoga in one man’s journey after a tragic car accident. Yoga from the Inside Out touches on a more personal note, written from the perspective of a woman who has suffered with, and conquered, eating disorders and body image issues. This book is written for women (and men) to help them come to terms with insecurities with their bodies. As a girl who has struggled with body image issues, this book hit me closer to home. Therefore, some of my thoughts are not organized the best, but I tried to be honest with what I was thinking, and attempt not to edit my feelings and thoughts too much. 

The Introduction and first chapter of Christina Sell’s memoir was difficult to read. As a girl, I know too well the struggles one can have with their body. I always find it so difficult to read about sexual abuse of young girls. Young girls are so innocent and young boys can be so cruel. Yet, they don’t know the impact they are having. It made me sad to read that something so scarring happened to Christina. The rest of her journey was difficult to read, as well. I have read many accounts of women who suffered with eating disorders, but hers was different. The progress from struggling with bulimia to intense bodybuilding, and then learning to accept her body was interesting. I related with Sell’s journey with bodybuilding. When I work out and start getting definition in my muscles, I feel the pull to work out more. For a person that struggles with a negative body image, the idea of having muscles becomes the opposite of having fat. It was not hard for me to understand the appeal of a well-muscled body. 

Sell then turns to her beginning yoga practice. She was resistant to opening herself at first. She did not want to get close to her teacher because he was known for telling women in his studio to gain weight. I love that he did this. It takes courage to call a woman out and tell her she is too skinny. But, I think that is valuable. Women need more men to tell them that they are beautiful even if they are not stick skinny. I related with her insecurity, and that of many of the women’s stories included in the pages, about how any pictures they saw of yoga were of super thin women doing the poses. I understand the intimidation in that. It makes a girl second-guess whether she will be able to actually do the practice or not. 

Chapter 2:

Enter yoga philosophy. I appreciate the language that Sell uses. The use of the “Sleeping World” as everything separate form the divine was a good choice. I think that a lot of the yoga philosophy is still new to me, even after reading the Bhagavad Gita and the Yoga Sutras. And, after reading it in so many different forms, including the two texts mentioned above, and Waking and How Yoga Works, I think that I get a little confused. Each text explains the philosophy behind yoga a little differently, with different terms. I liked how Sell explained the yoga philosophy in her book and that she kept it relating to issues of “body image.” And, she related the foreign concepts of philosophy to modern day life. She relates the often talked about distraction and disconnect of yoga philosophy to how we have come to view our bodies. We are told that we should look like Barbie, even though a curvy, Marilyn Monroe-like figure is much healthier, and in Sell’s opinion (and mine), much more beautiful. There is a strength to her description of the philosophy of yoga, even if I still muddle through it a bit. 

I had quite a few thoughts during the reading of Chapter 3. Sell touched on a lot of topics that hit a note with me. First, in the story from her friend Cheryl, she says that “in order to do yoga, you really have to be in your body. I could go for a run and be completely out of my body and zoned out” (40). I had never thought about that, but it is so true! When I do yoga, I become painfully aware of everywhere that may be bulging, or soft. But, at the same time, I learn the strengths that I never knew I had. I learn that I am much more flexible than I thought. I can do padmasana, my knees almost touch the floor when I sit in badha konasana, I did sirsasana in the middle of the room yesterday. These are the moments that I love that yoga is not disconnected. I love that I must go through the painful process of acknowledging parts of my body that I may not like in order to find the moments that I feel powerful, flexible and beautiful. I feel connected to my body in ways that I never thought possible. 

Along those same lines, Sell mentioned a quote from her teacher John Friend saying that you cannot simply say, “oh well, my body will never be able to do that,” but you have to open yourself up to grow. She then goes on to connect that back to yoga philosophy. She says “if the body is truly the vehicle for God realization, it is logical and necessary that in our practice of kaya sadhana we develop our ability to see the body as holy. But we cannot jump from a war with the body to a perspective that simply claims “the body is our temple” (43). I think that this is so important. It is not an easy process, making peace with the body you have. But, the sutras and the Gita are constantly talking about how the practice of yoga is so that we come into connection with our own true self. If we are to do this, we need to make peace with our bodies. If we believe yoga practice is a key to this discovery of the divine self, then we will never get there if we continue to ignore our bodies and the way that we view them and abuse them. 

Throughout her practice of yoga, Sell keeps a journal of how she feels and what she is learning. On pages 44-47, there is an excerpt from a woman’s journal about her journey with yoga. While reading these, I was struck with the importance of keeping track of thoughts, emotions, successes and failures in yoga practice. It allows the yogi to go back and look at the improvements in their practice, to see how their mindset has changed, to see what challenges they have overcome. Before reading this book, I had not thought about the importance of our practice responses. Honestly, I thought that they were just a way for us to get grades in a class that was mostly reading and yoga practice. Now, I am thankful for the journals and wish that I had put a little more time and reflection into them. I will enjoy looking back on these and seeing my thoughts during my beginnings of yoga. If (when) I continue yoga practice in the future, I hope I can keep up with a journal so I can keep seeing progress in my practice. 

Chapter 4 deals a lot with the common idea in yoga philosophy of stilling the fluctuations of the mind. In the beginning of the Sutras, this is cited as the purpose of doing yoga. “1.2. Union is restraining the thought-streams natural to the mind. 1.3. Then the seer dwells in his own nature” (http://www.sacred-texts.com/hin/yogasutr.htm). I like this translation of the sutras in relation to what Sell discusses in this chapter. She writes about the “original sin” that we are born into, the terrible state of our present world, and that we are constantly distracted by what we see around us. To truly engage in yoga practice, we must learn to look inward, to forget about everything we have to do when we get home, what we have to do tomorrow, and take one hour to focus inward, to focus on connecting our mind, spirit and body. 

Another strength of Sell’s writing is that she relates the topics of yoga philosophy and her journey with yoga to all faith traditions. Obviously, she writes a lot about traditional yoga philosophy embodied in the Sutras and the Gita. However, in chapter 4, she also mentions Christianity and Buddhism. When speaking about her own beliefs, she often uses the generic term of God to refer to a deity. This allows readers of all faiths to connect to her writing. When so much of yoga philosophy has similar ideas with  so many other faiths, the generic use of God lets readers understand what she is saying without feeling left out because they may not follow the exact faith that Sell follows. I think this is also beneficial because of the narrow-mindedness that we have seen here at Baylor surrounding the subject of yoga. With the generic God, a person who is not quite open-minded can read this and not be turned off by the use of other names of gods. 

Chapter 4 particularly spoke to me because I tend to be more of an emotional thinker, wanting to have my heart involved in actions. Now, this doesn’t mean that I don’t think rationally, but with something like yoga, I have to have a reason for doing it other than just practical, physical reasons. Throughout the semester, I have developed a love for yoga practice. I love how it makes me feel, and how my body feels doing it. Sell writes about connecting the heart to practice, looking inside and allowing yourself to open up to the practice of yoga. “Brooks is reminding us that yoga is not an intellectual process--it is a love affair, born in the heart of the true practitioner” (78). This quote summed up what Sell wrote about in this section. When we limit yoga to a practice of the body alone, we miss out on the true purpose of the art. 

To end this memoir reflection, I have to talk about the last chapter of Sell’s story: Community. Her description of the importance of community in practicing yoga is beautiful. The need for people to encourage you, push you and love you just the way you are is absolutely a part of yoga. This community also gets distorted by the brokenness of our world. We see other members of our classes doing poses we wish we could do, and instead of offering congratulations and praise to them, we turn inward and criticize our inabilities to perform. That is not the purpose of yoga community, Sell says. We are not meant to use it as a field of competition and comparison, but encouragement and love. I think that our class has done such a good job of that. We laugh and celebrate with each other. I come to yoga class excited to practice with the girls (and Nolan). I have enjoyed our time together. We have seen each other reach goals. We have had injuries and never looked at one another as weak. I think that Sell’s main point with her chapter on the importance of community is that it is another battle of the mind. The distortion of community happens within our own minds. I may think that another woman looks amazing, and she may think the same about me. When we compare ourselves to others in the group, we are not hurting them, but ourselves. The whole point of Sell’s book is that we must learn to love ourselves, cherish our bodies, and then, we can truly learn to love and practice yoga.

practice post 11/13

Tuesday's class was hard! We sure picked some of the more difficult and exerting poses to do. It was fun to have a challenge! We picked the poses we wanted again and Dr. Schultz created an order. I feel like I am better understanding how to put them in order and what poses are best. I thought it was funny that we didn't complain about Downward Facing Dog this time. I know that after some of the leg poses that we were doing I was thankful for the stretch of AMS.
One major accomplishment from this week for me was that I did headstand in the middle of the room! Fallon had to help me, but I did it! For me, this was not only a physical accomplishment, but also a mental accomplishment. I was afraid to do it away from the wall because I was sure that I wouldn't be able to do it and then I would be embarrassed and disappointed in myself. Instead, I was shocked and celebrated even the tiny amount of time that i was able to hold the pose without Fallon's help.
One thing that still bothers me is my shoulders. I know that they have loosened quite a bit from the first days of class, but the pose where we grab our elbows behind our backs still hurts my shoulders so much. I don't see very much improvement in this pose. Does this mean that I am not pushing myself in it? Or will it just take time to open my shoulders?

Practice post for 11/6

I liked class last Tuesday. I am happy that we are far enough along in practice that we know which poses to suggest. We seem to be getting better at doing the poses. I enjoyed seeing how Dr. Schultz ordered the poses and having a better idea of creating an order for my own yoga practice. I think that it would be good for next time the class is taught to put more emphasis in learning the names of the poses. Sometimes I think of a pose I like, but cannot remember either the sanskrit or the english name for the pose.
In one of our previous classes, we talked about the badha konasana challenge. Dr. Schultz said that if we were to practice sitting in badha konasana for just a few minutes every day, most of us would be able to lean all the way to the floor in no time. I think I'm going to try this. I even have a yoga block at home that I can use to widen my feet like we do in class. I am so close with this pose already that I'm anxious to see what progress I can make in just a few weeks.

Post for 10-29 to 11-3

Practice Response:

I LOVE BACKBENDS. I don't know exactly why. I can only stay up for about 3 seconds, but I feel so accomplished when I do. I feel strong and flexible. I feel young again. I know that sounds a little silly, but it's true. When I was little, I used to be so into gymnastics. I always thought that I would be a professional gymnast. (We all know that didn't work out.) I would do backbends, cartwheels, and the splits all over the house. Every time I hung out with my friends, I would do something. One time, my friends and I made a music video to a S Club 7 song (please comment if you know who they are) and I did the splits for about 75% of the music video. So, I think that doing the backbend makes me feel like a kid. I'm doing something that I never thought I would be able to do again. It is still a challenge. I can probably work on it and improve over and over, but I am happy with my progress.


Reading response:

I want to go a bit off topic today for my reading response. In my children's literature class, we have been reading a few of C.S. Lewis' Chronicles of Narnia series. While reading The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, we inevitably ended up discussing the connections in the book with the Christian gospel story. However, Dr. Hanks brought up that the book is also vague enough to be relatable to people of all faith traditions. I was reminded of the reading we have been doing in the Gita. I thought about it and that is true. One of the themes in LLW is about good triumphing over evil. The only way that this can happen, however, is if everyone plays their part. Peter, the eldest, must step up and take his place as the ruler of Narnia, prepared to lead his people into battle against the White Witch. Edmond must forgive himself, turn back from betraying his siblings and join with the good forces. The animals must step up and join with Peter and Edmund to fight. Lucy, at the end of the battle, can not spend time worrying about Edmund, but must go administer her healing potion to the injured. This relates so well with the theme in the Gita about Arjuna acting in his Dharma and standing to fight his enemies. This is the way that Arjuna can honor Vishnu; in the same way, it is how the people and creatures of Narnia can honor Aslan. Not sure if that properly explains the connection, it was better said in class, but I was so interested to hear that even people not of the christian tradition could relate to the story of the LLW.